An Alterneate Reality
by EmmyRaye16
Summary: Very weird things happen to the world of TSOUE and only Klaus, Sunny, and Lemony Snicket can restore everything before it is too late. PG13 to be safe.
1. Alternativeness Begins

A/N: Well...um, this is my first fanfic using the Baudelaires, but please read. Don't fear it, read it!

The Baudelaire orphans were running through the night. They were running away from the evil Count Olaf. Klaus was holding Sunny and Violet was ahead of them. Violet stopped and doubled over her knees. Klaus caught up with her.  
  
"Are you okay?" he asked as he balanced Sunny on the side of his hip as he patted Violet's shoulder.  
  
"I'm tired of running, Klaus," she cried. "I'm tired of having to run away from Olaf. I want to live my dreams and not fear being killed!"  
  
"What are your dreams?" Klaus asked. Violet looked up with stars in her eyes.  
  
"I want to be a sleazy pole dancer!"  
  
"BOWLAH!" Sunny shrieked, with probally meant "WHAT!"  
  
"But-but Violet, that's…that's…I thought you wanted to be a inventor!" Klaus exclaimed. Violet shook her head.  
  
"No, that was only to please Mother and Father. But since their dead…" Violet began as she pulled at the collar of her dress. Klaus lunged at her.  
  
"VIOLET, you don't want this! Something's wrong! Your sick!" he cried as he tried to prevent her from loosening her dress.  
  
"I do want this, Klaus! But I will keep the dress on, but…" she began. She pulled out the ribbon from her hair and flipped it dramatically from side to side. "FREEEDOM!"  
  
Klaus and Sunny stared at her in shock and horror. Something was terribly wrong with their sibling. She was usually the down to earth one, but…  
  
"Well, I found you again, Bauldebrats!" a voice cackled behind Klaus. He turned around and saw the one man they feared the most. Count Olaf.  
  
"Weejoba!" Sunny wailed. Which meant something like, "WHAT THE BUTT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"  
  
"I'm here to kidnap all three of you and take your-" Olaf began. His eyes widened as a speeding object pounced on him.  
  
"Oh, Olafy! You've come to save me!" Violet cried as she hugged him. Olaf looked at her in disgust and confusion.  
  
"Get off me, girl," he growled as he tried to yank Violet off of him. She clung onto him.  
  
"Olaf, we must be married at once! So then we can have my fortune and then…I can be a sleazy pole dancer!" Violet screamed like a Frat girl. Olaf grinned toothily.   
  
"Yes-yes, I agree! We are to marry at once!" Olaf said. Violet looked adoringly at Olaf.  
  
"Oh, Count, I knew you'd understand," Violet said lustfully. She flipped her hair again and then something odd happened. She and Olaf kissed. They kissed in a total exaggerated way that seemed like she was pranking all of them.   
  
"Ew, I'm gonna be sick!" Klaus screamed as he dropped Sunny and ran over to vomit in the bushes.  
  
"Winanow!" Sunny cried in disgust, which meant "Don't puke on me!"  
  
Klaus looked up and saw Violet was wiping of spit bubbles from off her mouth. He made a hacking sound and barfed again. Violet shook of the bubbles from off her hand and turned to Olaf, who was grinning like a idiot. Violet licked her lips and had a disgusted look on her face.  
  
"Olaf, um my mouth tastes funny," she said as she looked at Olaf.  
  
"Well, er…my teeth are in a…condition…" began Olaf, but was interrupted by someone popping out of the bushes. It was none other than Esme Squalor. She was dressed in a pink and lime green horse jockey outfit with a pack of gum in her hand.  
  
"Turn that dirty mouth into a clean one with Orbit gum!" she said. She handed the pack to Olaf and ran off into another bush. Olaf stared after her.  
  
"Um…"   
  
Olaf popped a piece of gum into his mouth and spat it out. He began to fan at his mouth and cry like a little girl. Violet tried to comfort him.  
  
"Olaf, what's wrong?" she squealed.   
  
"I's weeds waters!" he screamed with difficulty, like his tongue was burning. Violet looked around furiously and saw a nearby lake. She dragged Olaf over to it and threw him in. She jumped in too. Olaf calmed down and violet sighed with relief.  
  
"Oh, Sugarloaf, I was so worried!" Violet cried as she flung her arms around Olaf.   
  
"It's okay, I'm okay and we will be able to get your fortune!" Olaf said innocently.   
  
"Olaf, you are so smart!"   
  
"I know I am."  
  
"Your so smart that I-I want to marry you right now!"  
  
"Then let us go to the nearest church and be married…but first I want my bachelor party!" Olaf said. Violet clapped and got goo goo eyes. What occurred next, made Klaus hunch over a bush and vomit even more.  
  
"HEY!" screamed a voice from the bushes. Esme Squalor stood up in her jockey outfit and was covered in vomit. "Vomit is not in!"  
  
She stalked away as Klaus and Sunny watched her. Klaus raised is eyebrows in confusion and shock. Sunny's jaw had dropped.  
  
"We have to do something," Klaus said. "Something is not right and we have to make it right before Violet does something she regrets."  
  
"Woola!" said Sunny, which probally meant "I think it's a little too late for that…"  
  
"I think I can help you."  
  
A dark, mysterious figure approached Klaus and Sunny from behind. They turned around and almost screamed in horror. It turned out to be a man.  
  
"Who-who are you?" Klaus stuttered.   
  
"I am Lemony Snicket and I suppose you are Klaus and that's your sister, Sunny?" the man asked nodding towards them.  
  
"How do you know that?" Klaus asked frightened.  
  
"I have been following you and your siblings for quite some time."  
  
"Wha!?"  
  
"Yes, I know, fascinating isn't it?"  
  
"Ye-I mean no!" Klaus said. "But anyways, how can you help Violet?"  
  
"Well, something horrible has went wrong and it will destroy everything you know if we don't stop it." Lemony said. Klaus and Sunny stared at him in horror.


	2. Mysteriousness

"So, your saying that if we don't find the mighty bookkeeper, everything in our world will be turned upside down?" Klaus asked. He wasn't sure whether to believe this man or not, but he seemed to know a lot.  
  
"Yes, we have to go to the League of Writers before something very horrible happens," Lemony said.   
  
"My siblings and I could have used that a long time ago," Klaus scowled.   
  
"Don't be so gloomy about that. It's made me mega money and-"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Um…Nothing…" Lemony said quickly. Klaus eyed him suspiciously. "I-I think we should hurry and…er…well help your sister."  
  
"Agreed."   
  
"Wika!"  
  
So began their quest to the League of Writers and to stop the mighty bookkeeper that was toying with their world. They traveled wide and traveled far until they found themselves at a little rundown shack. Klaus looked at Lemony and Sunny made babbling noises that probally was a insult to Lemony that is so rude that I will not type it.  
  
"So this is the almighty League of Writers?" Klaus asked. Lemony pushed the door open and walked in.  
  
"Yes," he said shortly. He sifted through old papers on a crooked table, like he was looking for something. Klaus walked into the shack with Sunny in his arms.  
  
"Why is it so…dumpy?" Klaus asked. Lemony ignored him.  
  
"Aha!" Lemony exclaimed as he tapped something on the table. He straightened himself up and smiled to himself.   
  
"What do you mean by 'ah-'" Klaus began, but was interrupted by the shaking of the floor bellow them. "What's happening!?"  
  
"Just watch," Lemony said. He seemed perfectly calm as the floor began to lower itself down underground. Klaus watched as the above world began to fade. The underground darkness engulfed them and Sunny held onto Klaus and whimpered. The elevator floor gave a lurch and Klaus's legs buckled under his weight.  
  
Klaus squinted at the sudden appearance of bright light. He watched as Lemony stepped from off the elevator floor and Klaus followed suit. What he saw amazed him.   
  
There in front of him was a huge room with what looked like the UN room for all the countries to talk to each other. There were people yelling at each other and sparks were flying. Everything had stopped when Lemony had stepped into view. They stared at him until someone finally spoke.  
  
"Oh, Lemony! Thank goodness you're here!" said a woman with a British accent. She walked away from her podium and strolled over to Lemony. He took her hands in his and they gave each other a light kiss on each cheek, in a traditional French mannerism. "Everything has been dreadful. All the authors have been experiencing horrid events in their books and we don't know how to solve it."  
  
"I've been having the same problem, Jo," Lemony said. He looked serious and thoughtful. "I think they may have done it again and if we don't stop them immediately, things will get worse."  
  
"You can't be serious?" Jo said worriedly. Her looked ready to cry. "They couldn't have broken free from our hold on them! My spell was ensured to hold."  
  
Klaus saw Jo take out a wand and look at it hopelessly. This seemed very serious, but very far fetched to Klaus. Magic? Books? They? This all didn't make sense to Klaus. He looked down at Sunny. It didn't seem to make sense to her either, but she was just a baby.  
  
"Wesna?" Sunny cooed. Lemony and Jo looked down at them.   
  
"Are they…who I think they are?" Jo asked to Lemony.   
  
"Yes. Sunny and Klaus Baldelaire," Lemony said. Jo smiled and picked up Sunny from Klaus.   
  
"She's very adorable," Jo said. Sunny grabbed Jo's hand and bit it affectionately.   
  
"Thank you," Klaus said. Jo smiled at Sunny and Sunny clapped her hands.  
  
"We have to get to business," Jo said. Lemony nodded and they walked out in front of everyone. 


	3. Back at the ranch

Olaf and his henchmen sat at a bar. They all had a lot to drink, but Olaf was the only one not acting like a idiot. Lights began to flash and cheesy techno music began to play. Olaf and his henchmen began to hoot and holler when women in skimpy clothes began to prance out on stage.  
  
"WOOOO! WOMEN!" yelled the hook handed man. He clapped his hooks together and giggled when a woman pranced his way and did…a dance to put it lightly. He fell back onto the floor and giggled even more.   
  
"Here's the guy who's gonna get married!" yelled the long nosed man. He pointed at Olaf. A girl pranced over to Olaf.  
  
"Hey there, you lucky motha-" she began to say.  
  
"GET AWAY FROM MY MAN!"  
  
The dancer looked up and saw a speeding object colliding into her. They tumbled off of the bar/stage and rolled across the floor. The dancer had wide eyes as Violet began to beat her face in.  
  
"THAT'S MY MAN!" she screamed as she pointed at Olaf. The dancer looked at him, but Violet slapped her across the face. "DON'T LOOK AT HIM! MINE! Get it? MIIIIINE!"  
  
Violet threw the woman into a table and climbed up onto the stage. Everyone gawked at her, not because of what she had done, but what she was wearing. She had on a white corset type thing on with garters and a white wedding veil…not to mention white pumps.   
  
Olaf's jaw had dropped and as he looked over Violet with his shiny eyes, he tried to comprehend why she was dressed like this. Olaf's henchmen were also staring at Violet, though thinking other things. She grinned and winked at Olaf. "Naughty Girl" began to play and Violet began to dance and everyone's eyes about bulged out of their head. Was this the Violet they knew? Was this once the girl that invented things to escape their clutches?  
  
Violet began to do a Beyonce butt shake in Olaf's face and he leaned back in his chair. Even though he was drunk, he was slightly freaked out by Violet's behavior. Then again, it may be easier to steal her fortune. Oh well, he'd just go with it.  
  
Everyone clapped when Violet finished her…dance and she knelt down in front of Olaf. Olaf's henchman began to hoot and giggle when Violet ran a hand across Olaf's face. When Violet turned away and strutted off stage, Olaf began to twitch and convulse.  
  
"What's wrong, boss?" the hook handed man asked. They were all looking at Olaf with a funny expression on their faces, mainly cause they were drunk. He turned to face them.  
  
"This is too easy," he whispered. He looked thoughtful. "Too easy. It's almost like…she actually does want to get married…or is infatuated with me."  
  
"What's wrong with that?" the long nosed man asked.  
  
"Nothing really…"  
  
"Then why not go with the flow, boss?"  
  
"It's too easy. Too easy for me. It's like we're not…evil." Olaf said. The henchmen looked at each other.  
  
"Oh well, just get married to her. Then take her money and…uh…kill her? That's evil," the hook handed man said.   
  
"Very good idea," Olaf said. "Get married, get her fortune, and kill her, I like it."  
"No no no," the long nosed man said. "Marry her, honeymoon, get her fortune, and then kill her."  
  
"Honeymoon? Why in the wor-" Olaf began.  
  
"Whatcha mean, boss?" the hook handed man said, shocked. "Are you crazy?"  
  
"Yeah, you'd disappoint her," cackled the long nosed man. Olaf gave him a stern look.  
  
"And what about Esme?" Olaf asked. His henchmen looked clueless. "I'm going with my plan." 


	4. And so the plot Thickens

A/N: Sorry I've ignored to put the author's notes on, but I'm such a procrastinator and i never do it. Hehehe. I'm really typing like a madwoman lately so. Read and and Review and lastly, ENJOY!

Klaus stared out at the people in front of him and he could feel his eyes going wide. There were so many people. There must have been roughly one thousand there. Sunny gazed out at the people from Jo's arms and turned away from the bright lights. Lemony was the first to speak.  
  
"My fellow writers," he called out. Everyone went quiet and all eyes went on him. "We have a horrible epidemic at hand and we need to solve it quickly or our fictional worlds will be in harm's way."  
  
There was a worried murmur among the people. They soon got quiet to listen to Lemony.   
  
"They have returned and with a much stronger hold onto our worlds," he said. "There's only one way we can take care of them. We have to dispose of them as quickly as possible."  
  
"But how will we do that?"  
  
"You do realize that my character has periods, hormones, and boys to worry about?"  
  
"Will this mean my hobbits won't be hairy anymore?"  
  
"QUIET!"   
  
Everyone stared at the object in Jo's arms and saw what appeared to be a very small baby. Klaus stared at his baby sister. Sunny glanced at everyone around her, as if nothing had been out of the ordinary.  
  
"Anyways," Lemony began. "I've decided to accept this trip and with the help of the brightest child I've ever met, I hope to get rid of these loathsome creatures."  
  
Everything was quiet. Jo looked at Lemony and had a worried look on her face.  
  
"Lemony, be careful," she said. "We need you. You're the only person that can document their lives. None of the other authors can do that."  
  
"I will," Lemony said. Jo gave Sunny to Klaus and shook his hand. She kissed Sunny on the head and shook Lemony's hand.  
  
"Good luck."  
  
"I'll need it."  
  
Lemony turned on his heel and Klaus followed suit.

  
  
Olaf and his henchmen were standing outside of the bar they were just in, waiting for Violet to come outside. They were very agitated.   
  
"Olaf," said the long nosed man. "Where is that damned girl?"  
  
"Yeah," said the hook handed man. "She's taking too long and I'm feeling all those shots catching up with me."  
  
"Oh, Sugarbunny, are you okay?" said the long nosed man as he put a worried hand on the hook handed man's shoulder.   
  
"As long as you're here, Honeybugger," said the hook handed man. They both embraced and giggled. Olaf stared at them with his eyebrow raised in shock. Something was wrong…very wrong.  
  
"Oh Olafey."  
  
Olaf shuddered and turned around and saw, yet again, another shock.  
  
There was Violet with platnium blonde hair, a hot pink fur coat, hoochie make up, and huge fake eyelashes on.   
  
Olaf opened and closed his mouth to the extent that he looked like a goldfish in a fish bowl. Violet laughed and strutted over towards. She did a dramatic spin and locked arms with Count Olaf.   
  
"Let's go, hon," she said.  
  
"Uh...yes," he said. "We have to prepare for tommorow, my little Countess."  
  
"Olaf, that is so sexy," drooled Violet. She gazed at Olaf in a love sick manner as they walked. They passed by some girls that were staring at the odd couple and Violet glared at them. "HE'S MINE! HANDS OFF, TRAMPS!"  
  
To make her statement, Violet grabbed Olaf and licked the side of his face. Olaf's henchmen shuddered and hugged eachother as if to get away from Violet. Olaf wrinkled his nose and looked at Violet.  
  
"Maybe you should lay off...ther er...face licking," he said. Violet turned to him and pouted.  
  
"But..But...don't you love me?" she whined. Olaf closed his eyes. He was so wrong about this girl. He thought she was the smart one, the calm one. Turns out she was only a giddy little girl like all the other 14 year olds her age.  
  
"Just forget it. We're at our hotel and-" he began. There was a dust trail before he could finish. He looked into the door he had opened and saw Violet already passed out on his bed. He clenched his fist to his side.  
  
"Grrr, that little bi-"  
  
"Uh...boss, where do we sleep?" the hook handed man interupted. Olaf turned to face him and glared at him with his shiny eyes.  
  
"You? You, will sleep in the CAR!" he yelled. He threw up his arms in distress and anger and walked into his room. He slammed the door in their faces.  
  
"Um...so that means we sleep in the car?" the hook handed man asked.  
  
"I guess so, Sugarloaf," the man with the long nose replied. They looked at eachother and walked to the car together, hand in hook.


	5. Booties Gettin' Kicked

Klaus climbed up the hill after Lemony. he was thinking to himself. Why was all this happening? What did this have to do with his sisters and him? And who in the world was they? Klaus was thinking so hard that he bumped into Lemony. His glasses fell to the ground.   
  
"I'm sorry," Klaus said as he got to the ground and blindly searched for his glasses.   
  
"It's okay," said Lemony as he picked up Klaus's glasses and handed them to him. Klaus put them back on and watched his baby sister as she crawled around on the ground. "We should rest, we're almost there and I need to explain this whole predicament to you. I'm sure your confused on why no one has told you anything."  
  
"Yes, very much so," said Klaus as he sat down on he ground and picked a dead piece of grass of the ground. Lemony sat down also.  
  
"Well, I hate to tell you this, but..." Lemony trailed off. He seemed to be finding the right words. "Everything you have known is fake."  
  
"You mean my parents aren't dead?"  
  
"No, no, no. I mean that...well, your not a real person."  
  
"What do you mean not a real person?"  
  
"You are basically a figment among a writers imagination."  
  
"That would be you?"  
  
"I'm not sure, I thought I was real, but I believe I am also a figment of someone else's imagination."  
  
"And how does this affect me?"  
  
"Well, we are actually part of a novel and someone in some other world is reading about us."  
  
"Creepy."  
  
"Yes, very much so. But there is something wrong with the author writing down our story."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, some other people are interfering with the process, thus, basically screwing everything up."  
  
"So that's why Violet is acting weird?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Count Olaf opened his groggy eyes and saw another pair of eyes looking at him. He screamed like a giddy little girl and nearly jumped out of his skin. He saw that it was only Violet. He was about to raise his hand to hit her in the face, when he got a sick feeling.   
  
"Oh my little Bugger Gumdrop Sweetypoo Sugarbutton, are you okay?" she asked worriedly. Olaf glared at her and pulled away from Violet's grasp, much to her displeasure.  
  
"No," he growled. "And I think you gave me this sickness! Don't give me that look, you wretched girl! You've been acting very strange and I am so clever that I know you must have a contagious disease!"  
  
"The only disease I have," Violet pouted. "Is my love for you, my Creampuff Muffinbuns!"  
  
Olaf shuddered and rolled his eyes.   
  
"I'm going out to the car!" he yelled as he opened the door.  
  
"FINE!" Violet yelled. "THEN MISS OUT ON THESE!"  
  
Olaf had closed the door before he found out that "these" were. As soon as he got out of the room, he began to scream every word in the book and yanking at his dirty hair. He continued this until someone yelled something at him. He turned in the direction of the voice.  
  
"WELL YOU CAN SHUT YOUR FU-" he began, but got hit in the head by a boot. He scuttled away to his car before something else got thrown. As he sat in the front seat of the car, he felt a sharp poke on his bottom. He let out a yelp and saw he had sat on the hook handed man's claw.  
  
"Huh? Oh, hi, boss!" the hook handed man said. Olaf glared at him.  
  
"GET OUT OF MY DAMN CAR!" he roared. The hook handed man whimpered and got out of the car as fast as he could. Olaf drove away and he felt breath on his neck. He turned around and saw the long nosed man.  
  
"Hehe, hey...er...nice day," he began.   
  
"GET OUTTA MY DAMN CAR TOO, YOU BUMBLING FOOL!" Olaf roared as he turned to face the long nosed man.  
  
"Er...boss, your not watching the road..."   
  
"I DON'T GIVE A FLYING HOOT! GET OUT OF MY CAR!"  
  
"Er...while it's moving?"  
  
"YES!"  
  
"But...but, isn't that danger-"  
  
He didn't get to finish his sentence, for Olaf had kicked him out of the car. 


End file.
